Just because I make surgery look good does not mean I ever want to have another one. I mean, have you seen such great IV’s, thumbs ups, and hospital robe wear? 😉 As of the past Fall, I truly believed that I was going under for my final surgery related to my naughty cervical spine. Just one last surgery. One last wake up from anesthesia. One last time spent in the hospital room, letting time heal me. One last recovery at home, with my parents alternating to care for me. One last medical leave from work. One last time to ask my family for help taking care of me and Wrangler the Puggle. One last.
Believing in something that we have no control over (especially with this hypermobile, angry body), may have been blissfully ignorant, but it gave me a sense of light at the end of the tunnel.
Until the excruciating pain; sensations that stab, ache, and send shocks through my system, began to come back, I had hope.
I listened when the Neurosurgeon explained he had to operate again. However, I didn’t accept it. I was frustrated. Irritated. Mad. Confused. Upset. Sad. Angry. I tried my hand at my usual #positivemindset, #positivethinking, some #meditations. I let my mind wander to think, “what if this fails?”, and gave up on the hope that my pain could lessen or that my spine could stabilize. I acknowledged I was pissed and placing my mind in a danger zone – a #fixedmindset. What if this surgery wouldn’t be my last, what if it would only perpetuate a cycle? Those gloomy thoughts did nothing for my current situation, the pain, or my impending surgery.
I allowed pessimism to enter my mind but recognized that negativity, the thought of failure, and the danger of accepting it, could lead me to a bad place. My partner (who is incredibly emotionally intelligent) suggested…or kindly demanded…that I change my (negative) attitude to gratitude and focus on all of the good going on in my life to get out of my funk.
Well, it turns out her suggestion has been working. After twelve days of being able to write out EVERYTHING that I am I thankful for each night, I have accepted next week’s operation, my spine’s condition, and I am a lot happier.
How could I not be happy when I look through my notebook? Notes about being grateful for a friend’s being promoted at work, a delicious Cold Brew Coffee, packing lunches for my Dad and me, that friend’s celebrated their 4th wedding anniversary, having a job, picking out an outfit that made me feel good?!
Towards day five of writing, something glided across the paper. “Being in less pain.” WOW. I wish I could #gratitude my way out of surgery! As there are some skeletal and biological components that may not be able to be changed just by thought (how cool would that be?), I am thankful that I can accept this operation, go under the Doctor’s care with a #positivemindset, and be #grateful for so much during my recovery.
Have you ever kept a #gratitudejournal? Has #positivethinking helped you achieve something in your life? Let me know!
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